names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
