Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
