Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
