I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
