OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
