Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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