She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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