you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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