Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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