Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
