Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
