also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize