dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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