everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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