the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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