I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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