and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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