I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
