Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
