i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
