She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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