I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
