Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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