So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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