You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
