The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
