I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
