I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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