I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
