After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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