thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
