Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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