Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
