Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I puked a lego.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
