the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
