I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
