Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
