He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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