Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
