My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
