my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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