ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
