just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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