woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
