Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
