her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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