it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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