oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
nutella sex= disaster
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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