Cold hands, warm shart.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
