i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
