my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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