he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
